


Of All The Things That Haunt You

by predilection



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Getting Together, Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Season/Series 02, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 18:03:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13172310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/predilection/pseuds/predilection
Summary: After Shiro vanishes, Keith keeps hearing him inside the Black Lion.





	Of All The Things That Haunt You

**Author's Note:**

> After Shiro disappeared at the end of season two, this is the way I wanted Keith to find Shiro and bring him home (and how I wanted Shiro to bring Keith home in return). Thus, this fic is set around the same time as season three.
> 
> Warnings for grief and for Keith being too hard on himself. Though please rest assured that no Shiros were harmed in the writing of this story.
> 
> Shoutout to muse_in_denial for being my cheerleader. If it wasn't for her, this story would still be an unfinished draft sitting in a folder on my hard drive.

When Keith enters the Black Lion for the first time after Shiro's disappearance, he has to force himself to sit in the cockpit and put his hands on the controls. He reminds himself that this is what Shiro wanted, and does his best not to think about the fact that the Black Lion isn't meant for him -- that it should be Shiro sitting here and leading the team.

It's been four months since Shiro vanished without a trace, and Keith misses Shiro in ways he can barely articulate. He hates that everyone else is starting to move on -- that they can smile and laugh and talk about inconsequential things -- while he still feels like he's falling apart at the seams.

But this is what Shiro asked of him, so he closes his eyes and calls out to the Black Lion with his mind. He kind of hates it when the cockpit lights up around him, activating under his hands.

It's then that he hears it. Under the roar of the lion is unmistakably Shiro's voice. _You can do this_ , he says and although Keith is sure it's just his imagination, he feels himself tremble.

*

He locks himself in his room that night and sits on his bed with his arms wrapped around his legs and his head resting on his knees. He doesn't want to be congratulated for activating the Black Lion. It doesn't feel like a victory because he shouldn't have been trying to activate it in the first place. Shiro should be here.

When Allura tries to talk to him through the door, he asks her to leave him alone. He doesn't like worrying her or any of the others, and he knows that they're just trying to help him, but he feels volatile and angry and like if he's not careful, he could explode at any moment. Even when Hunk comes by offering food, he stays in his room and tries to hold himself together.

He _needs_ to hold himself together. He's the paladin of the Black Lion now. Not just his team, but possibly the fate of the entire universe itself is resting on his shoulders. 

*

The next time it happens is when Keith takes the Black Lion on a mission to support the rebelling population on planet Genirii. He ends up in a firefight with a Galra battleship and about a hundred fighters. He channels his anger and it's so close to the surface that it explodes. Though he's new to the Black Lion's controls, he smashes his way through the Galra's forces.

Later, as the Lion drifts through the debris from the battle, he lowers his head to catch his breath. Now that he's burned through his anger, it's being replaced by emotions that leave him feeling wrung out and vulnerable.

He rubs a hand over his face, and though he knows Shiro can't hear him, he says, "I can't do this without you."

Shiro's voice comes back to him faintly. _Yes you can. You already are._

*

Keith puts a tracker on Lotor's ship and he leads his team in pursuit of it. Even after Lotor toys with them, he makes the decision to follow Lotor down into the atmosphere of a planet in the midst of a planet-wide storm.

The storm messes with their sensors, but he tells them all to keep going.

Allura gets separated from them first, disappearing off what little sensor readings they do have, and then Hunk and Pidge vanish as well.

He's starting to have second thoughts about this whole mission and asks himself what Shiro would do.

 _Regroup and retreat_ , he hears Shiro say. It's what he was thinking too.

"Lance, stay close," he orders. "Let's find the others and get out of here."

*

Things get worse after Allura and Coran arrange a funeral for Shiro. They call it a "Ceremony of Remembrance", but it's the same thing to Keith and he hates the whole thing on principle.

Shiro disappeared. They have no evidence that he's dead, and just because they have no leads on his location at the moment doesn't mean that there won't ever be any. He feels like a failure since he can't even convince the others to keep looking for him.

"Shiro would want us to move on," Allura says and she's right, but that doesn't mean Keith wants to move on. It also doesn't mean that Keith _can_ even if he wanted to.

Pidge is the reason he attends. She shows up at his door just before the Ceremony is set to start, tears streaming down her face. Keith goes to her automatically and pulls her into a hug. He lets her cry against his jacket, and when she's able to compose herself again, he lets her take his hand and they head to the Ceremony together.

On some level, he's glad he went. He's able to be there for his friends when they need him, and as horrible as it sounds, it's validating to see other people cry over Shiro.

That doesn't mean he wants to be there. He tunes out half of the things everyone says about Shiro -- about how compassionate and brave and wonderful he was. He knows these things already and the use of the past tense irritates him.

He doesn't share a story when asked.

"You knew him the longest," Hunk points out. "Are you sure you don't want to say anything?"

"I'm sure."

"Are you really sure? Talking helps," Pidge tells him.

"I'm fine," he grinds out, and ignores the worried looks that get thrown his way.

He focuses on the now familiar anger he feels simmering just under the surface and it keeps him distracted enough that he doesn't cry. The moment the Ceremony ends, he excuses himself.

*

Instead of going back to his room, Keith goes to the Black Lion. He slumps down into the pilot seat and presses the heels of his palms to his eyes. His breath is coming out faster and harder, and no matter what he tries, he can't seem to get it to stop.

He sucks in a particularly deep and shaky breath, and his face is suddenly wet.

"I miss you," Keith says into the silence. 

He feels something gentle brush against his shoulder, and when he moves his hands away from his face and looks up, impossibly, he sees Shiro standing in front of him. He's bending down so his face is eye-level with Keith's, his brows furrowed with compassion. One of his hands is resting on Keith's shoulder, and he's wearing his armor, the visor of his helmet raised. He's also translucent and Keith can see the Lion's controls through him.

Keith sits up straighter. "Shiro?" he asks.

Shiro free hand -- his human one -- comes up to wipe away Keith's tears. _I'm here_ , he says. Then, in the moment between one blink and another, he disappears.

"Shiro?" Keith asks again. He twists in his seat to do a visual search of the cockpit, but there is no one in the Lion with him, and there's no sign that anyone was.

He pulls up the Lion's entry log just in case, but the only person it lists as being inside the Lion recently is Keith.

*

If Keith only saw Shiro that one time, he would've passed it off as a dream or as something he made up, but it happens again. This time when he's doing basic maintenance on the Lion, tuning some of its parts.

He's remembering a time years and years ago, when Shiro met up with him after his last class of the day at the Garrison. At the time, he expected Shiro to take him to a simulator or to the garage, but instead, Shiro snuck Keith into the senior dorms where someone managed to order more pizza than Keith had ever seen in his life.

They ended up sitting on the floor of Shiro's dorm room, eating pizza and talking for hours. Keith doesn't remember what they talked about, but he remembers sitting with his back against the side of Shiro's bed and watching the way Shiro's excitement lit up his face.

He snaps out of his reverie to grab the Altean equivalent of a screwdriver and that's when he see something out of the corner of his eye.

Shiro is sitting next to him on the floor, watching him.

Keith doesn't startle this time. He doesn't physically react at all. Instead, he asks, "Are you real?"

Shiro's eyes go wide and his mouth opens as if he's about to tell Keith something important.

Then he's gone.

*

Keith finds Pidge in the engine room and asks her to run a complete diagnostic on the Black Lion.

"Why?" she asks. "Is something wrong?"

"I'm not sure," he admits. He's still more than half-convinced he's imagining things. 

Pidge raises an eyebrow at him. "You know a complete diagnostic will take days, right? I barely know how the Lions work. I'll have to review every system onboard and compare the readings I get with data from the archives. Are you sure you don't just want me to do a general scan?" 

"I'm sure," he tells her. 

"Okay," she says, skeptical, but later he finds her inside the Black Lion, her laptop resting on her thighs with wires snaking out from it into multiple interfaces.

"Got anything?" 

She doesn't look up from whatever she's typing. "I told you this was going to take a while."

Keith sighs and then gets upset at himself for sighing. It's not Pidge's fault that he's impatient, and instead of being frustrated at her, he should be thanking her for all her help. That's what Shiro would do.

He blinks and Shiro is suddenly standing across from them and smiling at Keith.

"Uh, Pidge."

She looks up at Keith and he gestures with his chin in Shiro's direction just to see what will happen. He watches as she turns her head, looking right through where Shiro is standing, and then looking around elsewhere as she tries to figure out what Keith is referring to.

"What?" she asks.

Shiro is still smiling at him. _Keith_ , he says before blinking out of existence.

Keith stares at the space he occupied until Pidge says, "Earth to Keith? You okay?"

He turns to her. She clearly didn't hear or see a thing.

He shakes his head. "Sorry. It's nothing."

*

It's later that same day that Keith realizes that he never sees or hears Shiro outside the Black Lion. It gets him thinking about the time Zarkon used the Black Lion to send both his own and Shiro's minds to another plane of existence. Shiro told him about it -- about how Shiro was sure the Black Lion had taken off from the Castle only to find out later that he never even left.

There's still so much about the Lions they don't understand.

It makes Keith wonder if the visions he's seeing are the Black Lion's way of helping him -- if the Shiro he's been interacting with is just an illusion it's projecting into his mind. It's no secret that he's been a mess since Shiro vanished. Maybe the Black Lion is giving him a Shiro because that's what he wants the most.

He can admit that now: that Shiro is who he wants the most. Before Shiro vanished, he had trouble admitting this to himself, but it's easier now when thinking about Shiro is all he seems to do. 

And it would make sense that the Shiro he's seeing is simply an illusion created by the Black Lion. This Shiro has never appeared outside of the Black Lion's cockpit, and he's only showed up at times when Keith has been thinking about him. Pidge didn't even register that he was there so it's even more likely this vision Shiro is being projected directly into his mind. Also, this Shiro's only words to Keith have been words he's wanted to hear.

To test his theory, he waits until Pidge has gone to bed to go back inside the Black Lion's cockpit. Even though he knows the real Shiro probably can't hear him, he feels nervous as he admits, "Without you, I'm barely holding it together."

He looks around the Lion, but it remains silent and empty so it's easier when he adds, "I know that this isn't what you wanted. I know you wanted me to be strong and take your place, but I don't want to replace you when I know you're still out there somewhere. I'm sorry. I wish I knew how to be better."

He stares at the inactive view screen afterwards, waiting. He's starting to wonder if anything will even happen, when Shiro appears in front of him, staring right into his eyes.

"Oh," he says, and it feels almost like relief that he has an idea of what's causing this: that this really has been the Lion's way of making things easier for him.

 _Keith_ , the illusion of Shiro says, frowning. He reaches forwards towards Keith and Keith feels it when this Shiro lays his palm against his cheek.

Keith shudders at the contact, and when he tries to touch Shiro's arm, his hand passes straight through. Shiro vanishes a second later, but Keith hears him say, _This isn't an easy situation, and you're not giving yourself enough credit. I have faith in you._

Keith wipes at the wetness forming in his eyes. He feels pathetic. After all, he's apparently so unstable that the Black Lion is creating projections of Shiro to make him feel better. But at the same time, even if he doesn't quite believe what the Lion's version of Shiro is telling him, it feels good to hear it -- to imagine that if Shiro was really here, he'd say the same thing.

*

He goes back to his room afterwards, and as he crawls into bed, he makes a mental note to tell Pidge to cancel the diagnostic on the Black Lion in the morning.

He's solved the mystery of his Shiro visions. There's no longer any reason to take up her time. They need to focus their resources on the Rebellion and on actually finding Shiro, not on something he understands now -- not on something that's obviously a symptom of his desires and grief.

*

The next morning, Keith wakes to Lance yelling through his door. "Open up, Keith! This is important!" 

Since he wasn't woken up by an alert, Keith knows it's not an emergency, but the urgency in Lance's voice has him jumping out bed and throwing on a change of clothing like it is. He opens his door just as Lance is about to slam his fists against it. "What's going on?"

"Pidge wants us all to meet her in the hanger as soon as we can." To Keith's surprise, Lance is grinning, and now that he's paying more attention, Keith can hear his excitement under the urgency. "She says she found Shiro!"

Keith is running before he notices he's even moved. He vaguely registers Lance shouting, "Hey! Wait up!" behind him but then everything's a blur until he's rushing into the hanger.

He doesn't see Pidge, but Hunk, Coran and Allura are chatting outside the open mouth of the Black Lion. Keith runs past them to get inside it and finds Pidge where she was yesterday -- sitting on the floor with her laptop open in front of her.

"Where is he?" he asks, frantic, and he has to keep himself from taking Pidge by the shoulders and shaking her.

She grins up at him and then looks behind him as Coran, Allura, Hunk and Lance enter the Lion. Before Keith can ask again, Allura claps her hands together. "I hear you have good news."

Keith folds his own hands into fists to keep himself from giving away how impatient he is.

"I do," Pidge says. She uses her laptop to bring up a holoscreen in front of her and a chart appears on it. "Yesterday, Keith asked me to check on the Black Lion, and I found something." While Keith is wondering how his request relates to Shiro's location, one of the columns in the chart turns red.

"This is one of the Black Lion's sub-systems," she explains. "I'm not even sure what it does, but recently, it got huge, and I mean _huge_. It grew in size by more than ten thousand percent! It also started connecting to other key systems for the first time. I checked and in all the records we have on the Black Lion, and it's never done this before."

"So a sub-system grew in size. What does this have to do with Shiro?" Hunk asks before Keith can.

Pidge's smile grows. "All the data shows that this change happened at the exact moment we know Shiro disappeared."

Keith blinks, taken aback. That's... not what he was expecting.

"And that's not all." Pidge brings up another chart. "We have records of the sub-system being active a few other times, though these times, its size stayed the same and it didn't make the same connections. I cross-referenced these times with our logs, and they match when we know Zarkon connected with Shiro in the Black Lion and tried to mess with his mind. Like the time Shiro said he was transported to another place and forced to fight there Zarkon there."

"Pidge shared her results with me this morning," Coran cuts in, rubbing his chin. "The massive amount of data stored in the sub-system seemed rather peculiar, so I ran it through other Castle systems to try to see if it could be read. It got a ping in the med bay."

"The med bay?" Keith asks, barely following what they're saying. "Why the med bay?" 

Though Coran's expression is jovial, his tone is serious giving his next words weight. "Because they matched the data we have on file for Shiro."

Something cold drops to the bottom of Keith's stomach. "What are you saying?" 

"It's likely that Shiro is in that sub-system in the Black Lion," Coran concludes, like that makes any sense.

Pidge nods. "I know it probably sounds ridiculous, but think about it. We know the Black Lion has this ability. Zarkon used it on Shiro before, and Shiro disappeared right after battling Zarkon. I think Zarkon did something similar to that again, but instead of just transporting Shiro's mind, he transported all of Shiro this time."

"The med bay's system didn't just recognize Shiro's neural patterns, but his physical ones as well," Coran points out. "All his data seems to be there."

"But Shiro isn't data. He's a person," Keith says, quieter than he intended. That cold feeling in his stomach is getting bigger, because he originally asked Pidge to run a complete diagnostic precisely to see if she could find something out of the ordinary, but this is... 

This is...

"This isn't simple computer storage," Pidge tells him. "It's way more complicated, and it's definitely storing Shiro. Somehow."

Keith's thoughts start racing as it fully hits him what Pidge and Coran are saying.

If Shiro is trapped in the Black Lion, then he was right under their noses this whole time, and they didn't even know.

And if Shiro's been in the Black Lion this whole time...

"Hmm," Hunk says. "I don't know how this data storage works, but I wonder if we can communicate with him. Or if we can get him to communicate with us."

So much about the past few weeks suddenly make a lot more sense to Keith, and that cold thing in his stomach twists painfully.

"...he's been trying to," Keith says, horrified. 

"What?" Pidge asks.

Keith grimaces and he can't think. There's blood rushing in his ears. He takes a deep breath but it doesn't help. "I've been hearing and seeing Shiro inside the Black Lion," he admits quietly.

"Wait. What!?" he hears Lance say.

"What do you mean?" Pidge asks.

Keith doesn't want to or even know how to explain, but he tries. "It's only happened a few times. He just appears for a few seconds... but Pidge was there once at the same time I saw him and she couldn't see him."

"And you didn't think to mention it?" Pidge asks.

Keith bows his head. "I thought... I thought I was imagining things or that it was the Black Lion projecting into my mind."

Lance doesn't miss a beat. "And why would the Black Lion be projecting Shiro into your mind?"

Keith sighs. "Because I... miss him."

"Oh, Keith," Allura says. She reaches out to touch his arm, sympathy plain on her face, and Keith pulls away from her.

"Don't," he warns. 

"It's possible that the Black Lion was projecting into your head, just not for the reasons you thought," Pidge says reasonably and Keith wants to run. He wants to get away to some place where he can try to process his jumbled and panicked thoughts without anyone else around, but he stays because there's still something he desperately needs to know.

"Can we get him back?"

"If this was a system King Alfor built into the Lions, then it should be possible," Coran replies. "Though it might take some time for us to figure out how."

"How much time?" Keith asks, thankfully not sounding as desperate and upset as he feels.

"I'm not sure," Pidge replies. "That depends on how quickly we find the information we need."

Though he still desperately wants to run, the idea that they can save Shiro keeps Keith's feet planted to the floor. "What can we do to help?" he asks.

*

Pidge and Coran assign everyone databases to search through. Keith ends up in the Black Lion with Pidge, who asks him questions about all the times he saw or heard Shiro, and though Keith knows the answers he gives are important, the whole thing makes him increasingly angry and uncomfortable. 

He's glad when Pidge gives him a database in the Black Lion to review. It's good to have something to focus on -- something to do that feels productive -- to keep him from thinking too much.

Still, his mind keeps coming back to how easily he accepted the idea that his visions of Shiro were simply visions from the Black Lion. If Pidge didn't find what she did when she did, they probably never would've found Shiro.

After all, he was about to tell her to stop searching. If he had, Shiro would've stayed lost forever -- would've stayed _trapped_ forever -- and it would've been his fault. 

Shiro is the person Keith cares about the most and Keith... Keith saw and heard him and still didn't believe he was real. Of all the ways he's failed Shiro in recent months, this is the most horrible. The most unforgivable.

Keith's chest hurts and his throat feels like its closing up, but he tries to pay attention to the database in front of him. He doesn't quite understand what he's looking at, so he turns to ask Pidge a question about its file system, when Shiro is suddenly there, standing in front him.

"Shiro," he says and this time is different: this time he knows it's really Shiro, not some figment of his imagination or the Black Lion. Shiro's still translucent, like a ghost, and Keith can see Pidge through his chest. At the sound of his voice, she lifts her head to look at Keith, curious.

Keith's trembling as he takes a step closer to Shiro. "We're going to get you out of here," he promises, his voice a little strangled.

Shiro blinks at Keith like he's confused, but then his whole face transforms as he smiles. He's about to say something, but just as his mouth starts to open, he's gone.

"Shiro's here?" Pidge asks, eager. 

"He already disappeared," Keith tells her, his shoulders drooping as he sighs. Then he silently curses himself. Because this wasn't the first time Shiro tried to tell him something before vanishing. He should've realized that this was a sign that Shiro wasn't just something the Lion was making up for him. 

"Where did he appear? Did he say anything?"

"Here." Keith gestures to the space between them. "And he didn't say anything. He didn't get a chance. It's like I told you. He only appears for a few seconds at most."

Pidge seems to consider this. She types something into her laptop, and Keith is still standing there wasting time being frustrated at himself when she says, "You know how I said that the sub-system Shiro is in started accessing other systems recently? Well, it just accessed a whole bunch of them a few seconds ago."

Her words snap him back to the task at hand, and he starts feeling hopeful again. "Can this information help us get Shiro back?" 

A corner of Pidge's mouth quirks upwards. "You know, it just might."

*

In the end, it's Hunk and Allura who find a key file in a laboratory that Keith didn't even know the Castle had. The file reviews a theoretical model for encoding a being into a data system. Allura summarizes their findings, explaining that the scientists working on it had a good reason for wanting to turn people into data: they hoped to save beings in situations where they would otherwise die, like a life support failure on a ship. When Altea was destroyed, this tech was mostly hypothetical and barely even tested. 

Pidge later confirms through another data file that King Alfor started building such an experimental system on the Black Lion, but that it was never completed. This system could encode someone into data but not bring them back. 

Zarkon was probably aware of this incomplete system, and they figure that it's what he must've used to attack Shiro. Pidge locates the system on the Black Lion, and sure enough, it's connected to the mystery sub-system that she discovered earlier.

It takes them an agonizingly long month to come up with a way to bring Shiro back. That's not just because the experimental system in the Black Lion is terribly incomplete. It's also because the system uses quintessence in a way none of them can make sense of. Coran tells them that this is to be expected, reminding them multiple times that quintessence is basically life itself and is thus inherently complicated. 

The plan they eventually come up with involves exposing the Black Lion to ridiculously large quantities of quintessence and, at the same time, running an extraction program Pidge and Hunk are writing with the help of Coran. Pidge tells Keith more than once that the data she collected from him has come in handy coding this program, but Keith feels impatient and powerless and wishes he had more to contribute.

During this month, Keith tries to connect with Shiro multiple times. Sometimes he does it with Pidge's sensors plugged into interfaces all over the Black Lion in an attempt to gather more information, and sometimes he tries all by himself, almost desperate to reach Shiro now that he knows he's there. Despite all this, Keith only connects with Shiro once and it's unexpected when it happens.

Voltron's duties didn't stop when they found Shiro, and Keith and Lance are sent out in their Lions to help the Catarai people free themselves from Galra rule. Keith is instructing Lance to draw the fire of a Galra cruiser so he can take out its power systems, when it hits him that he's slowly starting to become the leader that Shiro always believed he could be.

He doesn't see Shiro this time, only hears him. He tells Keith, _You're doing great._

It twists his insides to hear pride in Shiro's voice, and to know that it's actually Shiro saying these words. He wants to believe Shiro, but he doesn't deserve any of Shiro's praise, especially not after what he's done. 

Still, hoping that Shiro can hear him, he says, "I'm sorry it's taking so long to get you back. We're working on it. I promise."

He gets no response, but he wasn't expecting one even if he was hoping for one, and he forces himself to focus on the battle at hand.

*

Once the extraction program is completed by Pidge, Hunk and Coran, the problem becomes finding a source of quintessence big enough for what they need. Voltron, and to some extent, the Castle itself, are full of quintessence, but they're not enough. Even if they were, they couldn't in good conscience weaken their strongest weapons against the Galra.

They know that the Galra likely have sizeable stores of quintessence, but it's likewise unthinkable to use quintessence that came from the deaths of hundreds of planets to revive one person.

It's after they next encounter Lotor that they find an expected solution. Lotor's ship is towing an unstable comet that is practically leaking quintessence. It's made of the same material as Voltron, and none of them want to find out what Lotor might do with it.

The battle that follows is the hardest one Keith's faced in the Black Lion. Lotor calls for reinforcements three times, and even with Voltron, it takes them hours to make a dent in his forces, let alone go after his ship and retrieve the comet.

In the end, Lotor retreats, leaving the comet behind, but not before firing on it with some sort of laser. It destabilizes the comet further, causing it to explode. The result is an extremely unstable spatial anomaly that Coran warns them all to keep their distance from.

Keith, though, has his eyes fixed on a readout the Black Lion is providing him that says that the anomaly is putting out record-high levels of quintessence. "Is anyone else seeing this?"

"It's likely releasing that much quintessence because it's collapsing so quickly," Coran tells him, but Keith doesn't care that it's falling apart. He cares that it exists and that it's right in front of them.

"But could it work?" he asks. He doesn't have to specify what he's asking about. They've all been searching for quintessence sources for weeks, and he knows he can't be the only one considering it.

"It will," Pidge says, "but that's only if the process is completed before the whole thing collapses. Otherwise, it'll probably destroy the Black Lion, you inside it, and Shiro too."

Keith's reviewed this procedure enough to know it'll take at least ten minutes to run the program given the current levels of quintessence. "How much time does this anomaly have?" 

Pidge does the math. "At its current rate of decay, somewhere around ten to fifteen minutes at most, but it's unstable. It could fall apart before then."

"I want to try it," Keith tells them. The risk is high, especially to him, but it's not as risky as it could be, and more importantly, it might be their only chance. This is the first source of quintessence they've found that's remotely plentiful enough.

"Are you sure, Keith?" Allura asks quietly.

Keith is. He doesn't have to think about it. He's never stopped wanting to save Shiro, and now he can. "I'm sure."

"Good luck," Pidge tells him. "I'm sending you a flight plan. I'll monitor you as best I can, but the electromagnetic interference will cut off communications and most of our sensors once you're inside."

"Roger that. Thanks, Pidge."

"You better come back," Lance says, and though it sounds like he's trying to be flippant, he's clearly worried. Unexpectedly, Keith feels something in his throat constrict.

"Yeah," Hunk adds, his nervousness more obvious. "We'll see you soon."

"Bring him back, Keith," Allura says.

Keith's throat feels even tighter. "I will," he promises.

*

As per Pidge's instructions, he flies the Black Lion into the heart of the anomaly. With the way it's giving off white light and heat, it's more like piloting into a star. He has to shield his eyes from the brightness on the view screen as he gets the Black Lion into position. 

He executes the program. As he settles in to wait, he closes his eyes and prays.

_Come back, Shiro. Please._

He takes a slow, deep breath. And then another.

_Please._

Keith remembers the day he received the news about his father. Shiro surprised him by finding him on the roof of the Garrison, one of the only places Keith felt he could get away from everyone. It was still early in their friendship and Shiro didn't know him well yet, but he sat down next to Keith and just kept him company for what felt like hours. When Keith finally was ready to talk, Shiro listened, and he did so without any judgement, shame or blame.

_Please._

He remembers the time Shiro asked him for help on a piloting sim, and the way it made him feel knowing that Shiro was coming to him for help.

He remembers the two of them sneaking onto the roof after curfew more than once just to lie on their backs and stare up at the stars. He remembers Shiro draping the jacket of his garrison uniform over Keith on a particularly chilly night.

He remembers Shiro dragging him to breakfast on the anniversary of his father's death, like he knew that Keith wouldn't otherwise get out of bed.

He remembers how fun it's always been to spar with Shiro, their bodies moving together in complementary ways and the thrill of being able to take Shiro off guard. He remembers when he managed to undermine an attack Shiro worked on for weeks. When he pinned Shiro to the mats, instead of being upset, Shiro surprised Keith by laughing, proud of Keith for besting him.

_Please._

He remembers dropping out when Shiro was declared dead after the Kerberos mission.

He remembers the horrible ache of losing Shiro the first time.

He remembers the joy of getting him back.

_Please._

He remembers, after they were reunited as paladins of Voltron, finding Shiro in the Castle's observatory, and knowing that Shiro was struggling with trauma he wasn't yet talking about. He put his hand on Shiro's shoulder and silently kept him company the same way Shiro stayed with him all those years ago.

He remembers Shiro's smile, his touch, and the way Shiro has always had faith in him, even when he didn't have faith in himself. 

He begs with everything he has -- with every fiber of his being: _Please._

Keith feels something shift. The roar of the Black Lion fades from his senses and it's like he's weightless -- like he's been dumped into the silence and zero-g of space.

He opens his eyes and has no idea where he is. Stretching out in all directions, stars twinkle around him, as do the colorful gases of what has to be nebula. They're all glowing the same shade of purple. It's unlike anything he's even seen.

Suddenly, he's standing on something again, but when he looks down, there's nothing there. 

Starting to panic, he lifts his arm to activate the sensors on his armor, but stops with his arm half-raised. Shiro is standing in front of him on the same invisible plain, and for the first time in a long time, he's not see-through. "Shiro?" he asks.

Shiro's eyes are closed but they open and find Keith's. "Keith?"

Shiro blinks at him, confused like he wasn't expecting to see Keith, and it doesn't matter that Keith isn't completely sure where he is or what's going on, he shouts Shiro's name and runs towards him. As soon as he's close enough, he reaches out to touch Shiro, and much to his relief, Shiro turns out to be solid under his hands. He pulls Shiro into a hug and buries his face in Shiro's neck.

Shiro wraps his arms around Keith's back, and the familiarity of his touch is comforting. "I knew you'd find me," he says in that gentle way of his that's always made Keith feel something warm in his chest. 

He feels that warmth now, and it grows suddenly until it's more powerful than it's ever been before. The warmth spreads outwards from his chest throughout his whole body, down through his arms and legs and then to his fingers and toes. It's overwhelming, but it's such a beautiful feeling that he feels awed by it.

He's never experienced anything like this before. 

The only thing that comes close is another memory of Shiro. Eight months into knowing each other, Shiro got his hands on a hover bike and snuck Keith off-base. It was during a particularly stressful time in his life, and it was like Shiro knew that he needed to escape for a while. On a rock outcropping the middle of the desert, away from the stresses of the Garrison, they shared a lunch Shiro prepared for them. 

They stayed out there all afternoon, talking about everything but school and family, and it was already the best day Keith could remember having before Shiro puts his hands on Keith's shoulders and wished him a happy birthday.

He wasn't sure how Shiro found out -- not just that it was his birthday, but that what he needed was this quiet yet poignant kind of validation.

As simple as it was, it's probably his happiest memory.

The warmth he feels now is so intense that the happiness in his memories can't hold a candle to it. It feels like thrill of having Shiro's attention, only better and multiplied by a thousand. It's like pure happiness -- pure _joy_ \-- thrumming through both his body and mind. It's so intense that even the dark corners of his soul feel bright.

He doesn't understand what he's feeling, and he gasps as he holds Shiro tighter, refusing to let go.

 _Please_ , he begs.

Keith isn't sure what happens next. In the time it takes to blink, the warmth is gone like it never existed at all. He hears the roar of the Black Lion again, the hum of her systems, and has to close his eyes against the bright light of the anomaly being broadcasted on the screen in front of him. 

He's back in the Black Lion's cockpit.

It's then that he feels it: a heaviness in his lap and on his chest that's almost pinning him down. It's such an obvious weight that he wonders how he went a few seconds without noticing it.

He looks down at himself and Shiro is collapsed against his chest, his head resting against Keith's shoulder armor. His arms are still wrapped around Keith's back, even though his whole body is limp.

"Shiro!"

Shiro doesn't respond and Keith shifts to get a better look at him. He almost dislodges Shiro in the process, and has to catch him before he falls to the floor.

Shiro's eyes are closed, but Keith can feel his breath puff against the side of his face. "Shiro," he says again, and the wave of relief that hits him makes dizzy. He feels tears in his eyes as he clings to Shiro, holding him against his body.

Through blurry eyes, he checks the read-outs. Just under fifteen minutes have gone by since he last looked at it. The program has run its course, and the anomaly is rapidly reaching the final stages of its destabilization. 

He flies them back to the Castle with one hand so he can keep the other around Shiro, and even when Shiro is rushed to the med bay on a stretcher, Keith holds onto his hand, refusing to let go.

*

Shiro stays in a healing pod for twelve hours. During this time, Coran and Pidge check his vitals and run all sorts of tests. The results show that Shiro is back, both in mind and body. 

While they're waiting for the healing cycle to finish, Pidge lets him know that the sub-system in the Black Lion has returned to its original, much smaller size. At Keith's request, she finds a way to disable it so nothing like this can ever happen again.

Keith only leaves the med bay to change out of armor and use the bathroom. He spends the rest of his time sitting near the healing pod, letting the quiet beeps of Shiro's steady vitals calm him. For the most part, he waits by himself, but from time to time, the others pop in and join him. 

They're all there though when Shiro's healing cycle finishes.

Shiro wakes up as he's being released from the healing pod, and he stumbles as he tries to find his footing. Keith is at his side in an instant, steadying him with his hands and helping him over to a bed. 

The first thing Shiro says once he's lying down is, "It's so good to see you all again." He makes sure to look at each and every one of them. Keith moves to hug Shiro, but he's not the only one with that idea, and suddenly, they're all crowded around him, limbs tangling. 

Shiro laughs happily. "I missed you, too," he says as he does his best to hug them all back.

Keith wishes selfishly that it was just him and Shiro -- that they could have this reunion to themselves -- and if he's the last person to let Shiro go, no one mentions it.

*

It isn't long until they start discussing what happened. Allura tells Shiro how they suspect Zarkon attacked him, and Shiro pretty much confirms their theory, explaining that one of the last things he remembers is Zarkon fighting to activate a system on the Black Lion.

When Hunk tells Shiro he was gone for half a year, he seems unsettled and rubs a hand through his hair.

"I was gone that long? I thought it was a few weeks at most. ...I'm sorry. That must've been tough on all of you." Shiro glances at Keith then. It's only for a second, but it makes Keith wonder if Shiro is remembering what Keith's mental state was like all those times they made contact.

Before Keith can think too much about that, Shiro starts telling them what being trapped was like for him. He describes the same purple star-scape Keith saw during the rescue, and how there wasn't anything else there. "No matter how far I walked in any direction, nothing I saw would be any closer," he explains.

"So what did you do?" Hunks asks.

"There wasn't much to do," Shiro says, studying his hands. "I could hear Keith and sometimes when I did, I found myself in the Black Lion with him. It never lasted long and Keith didn't always see me, but it gave me hope that he'd find me -- that you'd all come for me."

Keith is standing at Shiro's bedside, so Shiro doesn't have to reach very far when he takes Keith's hand in his own. "Thank you," he tells Keith, his eyes bright with honest gratitude. "For bringing me back."

Instead of making him feel content, Shiro's words leave him feeling hollow. He offers Shiro a smile he knows doesn't reach his eyes, and then deflects the attention from himself by bringing up the way everyone else helped. He makes it clear it was a team effort, and the others, especially Hunk and Pidge, beam under Shiro's praise.

They end up filling Shiro in on what he missed: on his disappearance, on the way Allura became a paladin, on Lotor's emergence, and on the Rebellion. When the topic switches to things like Hunk's new recipes, Keith quietly retreats from the room.

In the privacy of the hallway, he buries his face in his hands. He's _thrilled_ to have Shiro back, and he hates that he can't just be happy.

He feels so guilty.

Those times Shiro connected with Keith were more important to Shiro than Keith realized. They gave him hope -- something to hold on to -- when he was trapped and alone. Yet Keith had easily dismissed them, and was even ready to give up investigating them altogether.

When Shiro learns all this, Keith knows he'll be hurt -- that he'll feel betrayed like he has every right to -- and Keith will have to bare the weight of Shiro's anger and disappointment. He's not sure he can bare that weight, especially not when it's from Shiro.

He stands in the hallway, miserable, and it's a long time before he heads back inside.

*

In the morning, Keith goes looking for Shiro and finds him sitting with Pidge in the engine room, his arms around her shoulders and both of them wiping at tears in their eyes. Later, he walks into the kitchen where Shiro is helping Hunk slice up some kind of pink vegetable for lunch.

He isn't surprised that Shiro is taking the time to reconnect with everyone, because caring for everyone is what Shiro does. It's part of what makes him such a good leader and such a good friend.

So he's expecting it when Shiro appears in his doorway that afternoon. "Hey," he says. "Can I come in?"

"Sure." 

Shiro joins him where he's seated on the edge of his bed, sitting so close that their arms touch. Then, because Shiro knows Keith, he waits.

Keith looks down at his hands, and tries to come up with ways to say everything he has to say. But there's only one thing he wants to convey right now -- one thing that matters more than everything else.

"I missed you."

His voice breaks on the words, and the next thing he knows, Shiro is shifting, his whole body turning towards Keith. He finds himself in Shiro's arms, his head cradled between Shiro's neck and shoulder and his fingers tangling in the fabric of his shirt.

He breathes in Shiro's familiar scent, feels his familiar warmth solid against him, and lets out a breath that both sounds and feels like it's being dragged out from deep inside his lungs. "I missed you so much."

"I'm here," Shiro says against his ear. "I'm right here."

The relief he feels now is somehow even more powerful than the relief he experienced in the Black Lion's cockpit. He holds onto Shiro as it pours out of him, tears welling in his eyes.

"Shiro..."

He doesn't know how to finish that, but he doesn't have to. Shiro runs a soothing hand through Keith's hair, and Keith feels not just the comfort of gesture, but the comfort that comes with feeling Shiro's body move against his -- a tangible reminder that Shiro is here with him -- that he's really back.

He clings to Shiro even tighter, and Shiro lets him -- he lets Keith take from him all the reassurance he needs.

*

Keith goes with Shiro to his appointment in the med bay later. The tests Coran run take only a few minutes, and Shiro is soon pronounced to be "fit as a fiddle".

When Coran leaves them, Keith asks, "How are you holding up?" It hasn't escaped his attention that Shiro's been so busy taking care of everyone that he hasn't really taken care of himself yet.

Shiro shakes his head. "This is nothing like when the Galra had me. I'm still having trouble remembering that I've been gone for months, so it definitely affected you and the others more." He hesitates for a moment. "Though it might be best if you give me some time to get used to the idea of piloting the Black Lion again."

It takes Keith a second to get what Shiro's saying, but once he does, he wants to hug Shiro again. The security of the Black Lion was violated when Shiro was attacked, not to mention that the Black Lion itself was used to attack him. If Zarkon did to Keith what he did to Shiro, Keith would be hesitant to enter the Black Lion again too.

"You should know that I had Pidge disable the system that Zarkon used to attack you. Whatever he did to get to you, he won't be able to do it again."

"That's good to know," Shiro says, and sighs like this is a relief. "I think..." He trails off.

"You think?" Keith prompts.

Shiro runs a hand through his hair. "As Zarkon fought me, I felt him trying to gain control of the Black Lion. I think he knew he wouldn't be able to access it much longer, and that's why he used it to attack me like he did. It was his last chance to land that kind of blow."

Keith gives in to the urge to touch Shiro and puts his hand on his shoulder. "You just said it yourself. He's never going to be able to strike you like that again."

"I get that," Shiro says but he looks uncomfortable when he admits, "I'll just need some time to believe it."

Keith squeezes his shoulder. 

"I'm sorry. I know that you'd prefer not to pilot the Black Lion," Shiro says.

"It's okay," he says. He may not like piloting the Black Lion, but that doesn't matter if this is something he can do to support Shiro. "Take all the time you need." 

*

For the most part, things are better after that. He and Shiro eat dinner together, go over battle reports of the time Shiro missed together, and just hang out together. They keep fighting the Galra, and it's easier to pilot the Black Lion now that he knows he won't have to do it permanently.

Things are good, but they're also hard. Shiro keeps saying how thankful he is that Keith found him, and every time he does, Keith feels like he's hiding something from Shiro by not telling him the truth. 

The longer he stays silent, the worse the guilt gets until Keith can feel it eating at him almost constantly.

Of course, Shiro notices that something's wrong.

"What's going on?" he asks one night when they're going over reports in Shiro's room. 

Keith could tell him. Keith should tell him, but he doesn't want Shiro to be upset at him so he doesn't. "It's nothing," he lies.

*

Shiro calls a team meeting in the middle of his second week back. "We should talk about what will happen after I start piloting the Black Lion again," he says. "We have six paladins now for five Lions."

To Keith's surprise, Lance volunteers to step down. "I mean, I love the Blue Lion and being a paladin, but Allura is _really_ good at this, and she's already unlocked systems in it I didn't even know existed."

Allura protests the idea, though she isn't keen on giving up being a paladin either. The two of them discuss it and decide to share piloting the Blue Lion.

In the end, it's Pidge and Hunk who propose an unexpected solution. Pidge salvaged fragments of the comet -- which she reminds them was made of the same material as Voltron -- and because of everything that happened with Shiro, Hunk was able to identify a quantity of the same substance in the Castle's laboratory. "So it turns out that King Alfor had leftovers when he was building Voltron," Hunk explains.

It's then that Pidge offers them her and Hunk's radical idea: "With the those leftovers and with the fragments we picked up from the comet, and with all the Lion schematics we've unearthed recently, we might be able to build a new Lion."

It's an incredible plan, something that would've seemed impossible a few months earlier. The excitement in the air is palatable as Allura goes over Pidge and Hunk's preliminary ideas and starts talking about Altean alchemy, which Keith didn't know was a thing until now. 

The meeting ends with a short-term plan for the Blue Lion's paladin's duties to be split between Lance and Allura, and a long-term plan to create a Lion that one of them will end up piloting. 

Keith likes this plan, but his approval must not show on his face because Shiro pulls him aside and asks, "What's wrong? Is it piloting the Black Lion?"

Keith still doesn't want to tell him, but the last thing he wants is Shiro blaming himself for something that's on Keith. "No, it's not that. I told you that was fine."

"Okay," Shiro says. "But it's something else then, right?"

Keith doesn't answer. "Let's get dinner," he says instead.

Shiro sighs, but lets it go.

*

It all comes to a head a few days later when they're on the training deck and Shiro asks Keith if he wants to spar. Keith has always enjoyed sparring with Shiro so he says yes. 

Though their sparring is competitive, there's always been something cooperative and fun about fighting Shiro. He likes the challenge of predicting Shiro's next moves while trying to surprise Shiro at the same time, and he's always gotten a thrill out of their bodies dancing around each other.

He wins in the first round, but when they take a breather between rounds and Keith gets some water, he catches Shiro looking at him, a worried expression on his face. 

He hates that he put that look there and wishes he was better -- better at not worrying Shiro and better at being the person Shiro needed him to be in the first place. Shiro's obvious concern makes it harder for Keith to concentrate on what he's doing. He doesn't get just how much of a distraction it is until Shiro wipes the floor with him in the next two rounds.

"Now I know something's wrong," Shiro says lightly even though Keith knows he's serious. Thankfully, Shiro doesn't seem to expect a response. He brings himself to his feet and offers Keith a hand up off the mats. 

Keith follows Shiro to the benches by the wall and sits down next to him. The only sound in the room is of the two of them catching their breath until Shiro asks softly, "Maybe we should talk about what I saw those times when I was in the cockpit with you."

When Keith frowns instead of answering, Shiro adds, "I saw you, Keith. I know you took my disappearance hard."

Keith isn't sure what to say. It's no secret that he was a wreck when Shiro was gone, but that's not what's eating at him now. He needs to tell Shiro the truth. He knows this but...

"You know what else I saw?" Shiro asks, and when Keith looks over at him in confusion, there's a small smile on his face that wasn't there a moment ago. "I saw you do your best in a difficult situation and I saw you be the leader I always knew you could be."

Shiro is trying to comfort him, he realizes, and like the last time Shiro tried to praise him, it makes something heavy and terrible weigh down his chest.

Oblivious to Keith's inner turmoil, Shiro's smile stretches wider and he adds, "I saw someone who never gave up on me."

Shiro might as well have poured cold water over Keith's head. 

Keith can't help it. He grimaces and squeezes his eyes shut as the weight of all he's been carrying -- of all he's been hiding -- suddenly comes crashing down on top of him.

"Keith?"

"I'm sorry," he tells Shiro.

"For what?" Even though he's clearly confused, Shiro's tone is soft and open like he just wants to understand and that makes it worse.

Keith owes Shiro too much. The least he can give him is the truth.

It takes a long time for him to answer, but Shiro is patient like he's always been and doesn't push him. 

"I failed you," Keith says, the truth finally slipping out.

Shiro goes still next to him. He opens his mouth as if to say something, but he doesn't interrupt, and Keith avoids his eyes when he explains, "I thought you were an illusion the Black Lion was putting in my head."

"...you thought I was an illusion?" Keith hates the shock he can hear in Shiro's voice.

He takes a deep breath. "And because I didn't think it was really you, I didn't try to help you. If it wasn't for Pidge, we wouldn't have found you at all."

Shiro is quiet for a long time and Keith can almost hear the gears turning in his head as he reviews everything that's happened with this new information. Keith still doesn't look at him, fearful of what he might see on his face.

It takes an agonizing amount of time for Shiro to say something and when he does, he asks, "Why did you think I was an illusion?" 

Something vulnerable bubbles up inside Keith and his voice almost breaks when he replies, "Because I thought the Black Lion was just giving me what I needed."

"What you needed?"

"I needed you," he admits, more harshly than he intends, the words pulled roughly from his throat. "So I thought... I thought..."

He hears Shiro suck in a breath. "Keith." 

Keith keeps his eyes glued to the floor and doesn't respond, but Shiro starts talking anyway. "You were hurting, Keith. I mean... it's understandable that you--"

Keith lets out a noise of frustration, cutting him off because Shiro _still doesn't get it_. It makes him angry -- angry that Shiro is trying so hard to be understanding, and angry at himself for being so undeserving. His hands clench into fists as he finally looks over at Shiro and all but yells, "I didn't think you were real! I was so sure you were an illusion that was going to stop Pidge from running tests on the Black Lion!"

The truth hangs there in the air, ugly and terrifying.

Shiro's brows furrow. "Keith," he says and sighs.

Keith wraps his arms around himself, and he sounds just as pathetic and miserable as feels when he adds, "You spent that whole time believing in me and I... I wasn't even going to search for you."

"Keith," Shiro says again, and he cups Keith's cheek with his palm. The touch is so kind and so unexpected that Keith flinches away from it.

"What are you doing?" he asks. He doesn't understand. "Why aren't you upset?"

"Because you're forgetting something important," Shiro tells him. "You're the one who got Pidge to run those tests in the first place. She told me that you made her spend hours on them and that you didn't even tell her what they were for."

"I was going to tell her to stop!" he shouts.

"But you didn't."

"Only because she found you first!" 

Shiro sighs again. "Keith, I know you. Even if you had stopped Pidge then, eventually you would have gotten her to run the tests again, especially if we had gotten to interact more. And you're still the reason Pidge was even looking into the Black Lion. Whether or not you thought I was real, you're still the reason I was found."

Keith covers his face with his hands. Shiro isn't wrong but...

"I know you don't believe me," Shiro tells him, and his voice is still unbearably gentle. "But you haven't done anything wrong. You saved me."

"No, I didn't," Keith says, but when he feels the warm weight of Shiro's hands on his shoulders, he doesn't flinch away this time.

"You were able to connect with me, even if you weren't trying to," Shiro tells him. "That saved me."

Shiro slides his hands up to Keith's neck. "You got Pidge to run tests. That saved me."

Shiro slowly pulls Keith's hands away from his face. Keith lets him but keeps his eyes shut tight.

"You risked your life to fly into an unstable spatial anomaly. You found me in that other place, and you pulled me back here with you. That saved me."

Keith feels Shiro's palms and fingers against his face now, cupping both his cheeks, and he can't help it. He starts shaking.

"Keith, look at me." 

Keith hesitates, but he finally opens his eyes.

There's not even a hint of the disappointment or anger he was fearing on Shiro's face. What he sees instead is Shiro's mouth curved into a smile, his eyes bright and sincere.

" _You_ saved me," Shiro says, shaking him a little as if to emphasize his words, and Keith...

Keith believes him.

A sob escapes his throat and he crumples, folding in on himself as the tension he's been holding suddenly breaks. He feels Shiro's arms around him and then he's crying into Shiro's shirt, shaking from the sheer force of it. 

Shiro holds Keith through it, rubbing soothing circles against his back, and he keeps holding him, not letting go even after Keith collapses against him, wrung out and exhausted.

*

Keith wakes some time later. He's lying on his side on the padded floor of the training deck and Shiro is sleeping soundly next to him, his body curled towards Keith's. Keith figures that he must've fallen asleep and that Shiro must've laid him down. 

They're not touching, but Shiro's close enough that Keith can feel his body heat. After all that's happened, it's still reassuring that Shiro is close enough to touch -- that Shiro can be touched.

Shiro's presence is reassuring for another reason too. Even after Keith told him the truth, Shiro stayed with him, and Keith remembers Shiro's arms around him offering comfort he didn't expect but needed. 

He's hazy with sleep and ends up dozing again for a bit. When he wakes this time, it's to find Shiro looking at him, a small smile on his face. 

"Hey," Shiro says quietly. "How are you feeling?"

He feels drained but in a good, cathartic way, and he feels lighter than he has since before their last battle with Zarkon -- since before Shiro disappeared. It's such a contrast to the heaviness he's been carrying around that he almost can't believe it. "Better," he answers honestly.

"Good," Shiro says.

"About earlier... I just wanted to say thanks." The words feel inadequate the second they leave Keith's mouth. They're too simple and they aren't enough to convey just how much he appreciates all that Shiro has done for him. Shiro's faith in him hasn't wavered, even when Keith was sure it would. 

But Shiro keeps smiling at him and Keith thinks that he gets it anyway. "Any time," he says.

Minutes pass as they lie there together, the silence comfortable, and it's the most peaceful Keith's felt in a long, long time.

"Can I tell you something I didn't tell the others?" Shiro asks just as Keith starts to doze again. The question sounds a little hesitant, like Shiro's not sure he should be asking it at all.

Keith nods, his curiosity piqued.

"When you found me in that other reality," Shiro starts and he looks as hesitant as he sounds now. "Just before you appeared, I could hear you thinking about me and remembering things we've done together. I could feel how much I meant to you."

With crystal clear clarity, Keith remembers being inside the anomaly, pleading with any power that was out there for Shiro's return, and focusing on memories of Shiro while doing so. 

His heart starts pounding in his chest. 

There's always been a potential between them, but they've never acknowledged it. It's something Keith was sure they would never even talk about. Not before Shiro disappeared. Not now. Not ever. But as he begged the universe, what he let himself feel for Shiro was undeniable.

And Shiro... apparently witnessed all of it. 

"When you appeared, I could still feel what you were feeling and but it was stronger," Shiro continues. "And it got even stronger when you hugged me." He takes a deep breath, and to Keith's surprise, it's not steady. "Keith, I wish I could somehow show you what it felt like. I felt warm all over. It was... it was _incredible_. I'd never felt anything like it."

Keith's heart beats louder as he tries to keep up with what Shiro's telling him, and he's suddenly aware of how close they are, lying together on the floor.

"I could feel you tugging at something deep inside of me, showing me the way back to this reality. My way back to you. That's why I keep saying it was you who saved me, because _you did_."

Shiro's smiling again, the corners of his mouth curved upwards, and he looks happy but also like he might cry.

"And I know you haven't mentioned it, maybe because you didn't feel it or maybe because it didn't work that way... But when you were hugging me, I tried to return your feeling with my own. I tried to show you how I feel about you."

He reaches out and places his palm against Keith's chest, his hand warm through Keith's shirt. "I remember thinking just before everything went black that I love you, too."

It's like all the air has been sucked out of Keith's lungs and he gasps, trying to breathe. 

Shiro can't be saying what Keith thinks he is. He can't be. Because he's Shiro. Because this isn't something Keith has ever let himself consider, not matter how much he's wanted or needed Shiro in his life.

But Shiro is so earnest... and Keith remembers clinging to Shiro in that other place. He remembers how he felt just before he pulled Shiro back -- the feeling of pure contentment and of an affection so powerful he felt full to bursting with warmth.

A warmth like... like maybe Shiro just described feeling himself when Keith was thinking about him.

"That was you?" Keith finds himself asking. His voice has gone quiet all of a sudden.

He may not have known what that warmth was at the time, but if that really was Shiro's feelings for him, he can't not believe what Shiro's saying is true. No matter how much a part of him wants to deny what Shiro's telling him -- wants to scream that this isn't possible -- he felt the intensity of those feelings coursing through his whole body and it was easily the most beautiful, wondrous thing he has ever experienced.

He's not sure what to say. He's still trying to figure out how to reply when Shiro starts talking again. 

"Keith," he says. He sounds desperate, and his hand falls from Keith's chest. "I... we can... if you don't want to talk about this, that's okay. I don't want to pressure you." Keith can tell he's trying not to frown. 

He's also trying to give Keith an out, and Keith realizes with a start that Shiro is scared that he is going to want to pretend that this never happened. 

But Keith can't deny something like this. Not to Shiro. Not when Shiro's feelings for him felt like they did. Not when his own feelings for Shiro were strong enough that they apparently allowed Keith to save him.

They're already so close that it's easy for Keith to press forward into Shiro's space. He wishes that Shiro could hear his thoughts now -- could feel what he's feeling -- because he's never been good with words.

"Shiro," he says, and now he can hear something desperate in his own voice. "Shiro... I just... I want..."

But Shiro has always understood him better than anyone else. Shiro's eyes widen and then he's leaning in closer towards Keith. For a second, Keith thinks Shiro's going to kiss him, but instead, he pulls Keith against him into another hug.

Shiro's hair is soft against his cheek, and Keith feels Shiro's whole body relax against his. He lets himself sink into Shiro's embrace -- into the warmth Shiro has always offered him, and into the different kind of warmth that Shiro is offering him now.

Shiro pulls back just enough to look Keith in the eye, and he laughs, the sound joyous. 

Keith can hardly believe this is happening to him. It should feel sudden and surreal but it doesn't at all. It just feels _right_.

Keith wipes at his eyes, only then realizing that they're wet. Shiro brushes his remaining tears away with his thumb and Keith laughs then too, overwhelmed in the best possible way.

And this time when Shiro leans in like he might kiss Keith, Keith lifts a hand to Shiro's face and guides their mouths together.

*

Later, as the walk in the direction of Keith's room together, Keith keeps stealing glances at Shiro. He can't get over the way Shiro's face is flushed or the way he's smiling. He also can't believe that he's the one that made Shiro look so happy.

It's then that it hits them that he doesn't have to steal glances -- that Shiro probably wouldn't mind if he stared.

He stops in the middle of the hallway, causing Shiro to stop too. He's new to all of this, and this is _Shiro_. He really doesn't want to mess this up.

"Are you okay?" Shiro asks, and Keith turns towards him.

"I don't know what I'm doing," he admits, his palms sweating.

Shiro doesn't look concerned or frustrated. Instead, his expression is fond and there's a small, gentle smile on his face.

A familiar warmth bubbles up inside Keith, and he feels better about the whole thing before Shiro takes his hand in his own. "Okay," Shiro says. "To be honest, this is new territory for me too but I..." He slots their fingers together without a care for how clammy Keith's are and squeezes. "I'd like it if we could figure it out together."

And just like that, Keith knows they're going to be okay. His nervousness doesn't completely go away, but it's eased by the knowledge that Shiro has always been patient and kind, and has always believed in him. Even when things have been hard, Shiro's made them easier. He can do this, he thinks. They can do this.

"Together," he agrees and squeezes Shiro's hand back.


End file.
